Saying Goodbye

tomorrow is my last day with the girls

it is so hard to believe....how did lauren turn into a beautiful 7 year old girl that i can laugh so hard with over the dumbest and weirdest jokes.....and how did rachel grow from a tiny infant to a three year old that can walk, talk, and make me simply smile......

life is so strange.....how can you love someone and then let them just walk out of your life...or even worse..how can i walk out of their life...will they understand?? will they be mad at me? or will they even notice?? you put so much time into someone and something and in the end is it worth it? these are all questions that i am thinking about...and the answer is yes...i know it was worth it.....every second spent with my girls was worth it....there is something about being a part of a childs life....they are so innocent and dependent...they look to you for everything...you guide their life and you shape it.....you answer all of the questions that their little brains think of......you try to relive the beauty of childhood....the imagination and creativity....i can not even count how many times i have talked to rachels imaginary friend "sara" on the phone.....i have asked sara to come over for play dates...i have had to "buy" her birthday presents.....i actually started to believe that this sara girl was real.....its such an important job supporting kids in how they come to see the world...rachel will one day realize that sara was never actually real....but thats all part of growing up and figuring the world out for yourself....

one of my favorite times of the day with rachel that i will miss soo very much was when she would wake up from a nap...when she was younger i would hear her cry and open the door to see this toothless grin smiling at me from the crib....i had missed her so much while she was sleeping.....and now that shes older....when she wakes up she crawls out of bed and goes to the top of the stairs....and just yells out one "cianna?"....when i hear that my heart melts...how can i miss this little person so much for the few hours that she was sleeping? then she runs down the stairs and comes for a cuddle until shes more awake and ready to take on some new adventure.....

and my little lauren...we got along great right from the beginning...she was only 4 years old.....we quickly became best buddies and have stayed that way throughout preschool, kindergarten, and gr.1......the moments that i will miss with lauren are going to be not being the one to drop her off and pick her up from school....i loved sending her off for a great day at school...and i liked picking her up even more.....its going to be hard for me to not know how her day went....or what happened at recess..the good and the bad....i cherish that fact that she trusted me....she told me everything....i would listen and try to hang on to every word.....i always tried to remember that something that is no big deal for an adult, can be a hugee deal for a 7 year old....

i am going to miss my girls so much.....i dont want to miss one of their little dances around the kitchen, or one painting, or even the car rides......those were the best!!! we would sing our little hearts out and then when we got bored of that we would just chat..about anything and everything....and then all the sudden rachel would be asleep...and at every stop light lauren and i would both look over at her and smile.... us girls did everything together....i have spent more time with them than anyone else.....but God has truely blessed me so much by placing them in my life....i can only be thankful for all the wonderful memories i have with them....and i know there will be more....i just wonder for how long am i going to reach down to grab two tiny hands only to find that they are not there?